The Group of Death 3.0

Gentle Touch manager Simon Jordan stormed to the top of the GoD this weekend, opening up a double-digit lead over his closest rival. The big-featured non-league journeyman proved once again that dogged consistency can outwit flair by putting clear water between his side and the peloton.

This after a shocker of a week from Slamfield’s Doggers, who fell away dramatically by posting a pant-soiling bottler’s score of two meagre points, after leading the pack only a few days ago.

Those doubters who expressed disdain at Slammer’s ability to stay in first place have been proved right. The man himself has been remarkably quiet about it.

“He was always going to crumble,” said an unnamed source (Adder). “When he started dabbling with Chelsea players we knew he’d compromised his morals in a desperate bid to stay at the top. It was the sign of a worried man, and has backfired big time. I’m not sure if his feeble, twisted, dirty little mind can recover from this.”

Elsewhere, Sav proved that having an awful forward pairing is actually a poor tactic in Fantasy League, and Gaffer was on the phone every five minutes asking Nick to swap Rooney out for Drogba. Rooney is still there, and Nick suggests that he follows up his audacious home spending spree by investing in broadband.

Further down the table, Marquis proved that  last year really was a freak one, while conversely Adder proved that he can also have luck on his side – until he reverts to type and starts to tinker.

In the basement, Bailey continues to lag behind Sir Les and is on track to equal Paul Skitt’s record low score for the season. And he hasn’t even got Dwight Yorke in the team this year.